My Love Affair with Moving

Moving usually occurs in a time of great triumph or at a moment of humiliating failure. It is a transitory period, filled with the beaming light of hope or rankled moments of bleak depression. And in some cases, moving can be a passive-aggressive way to say, “I don‘t love you anymore’ or “six cats are too many.”

Personally, I like to move under the cover of night, false mustache perched gingerly on my lip, in an effort to avoid my creditors. In these kinds of cases, moving is shameful, an exit from a life so bad that flight is the only balm.

But moving for many is a time of renewal. My Aunt Edna moved as new furniture stores opened. She'd leave behind the gaudy furniture of a past life in hopes that her new Promised Land had a better selection of high-quality home furnishings.

For most of us, however, moving is a good time to get rid of those things in our lives that clutter our living spaces like shower radios, sconces, banjos and all the Faberge eggs.

There is one thing that all people who plan to move must have, a friend with a truck. If you do not have a friend with a truck, you cannot move. Plan ahead. Take stock of your friends. Do any of them like country music? Even a little? Are any of your friends insecure about their stature? Does one of your friends own the entire series of The Fall Guy on DVD? These are signs of a possible or potential truck owner.

I’ve often found myself moving only a few blocks away, and in an effort to not hang out with people who own trucks and to save a few dollars, I’ve carry-moved. Carry-moving is the practice of moving your large belongings by hand. (The rest of the possessions are loaded into a mid-sized sedan.) This is a great way to make your neighbors believe that you may have lost a farm due to famine. Plus, girls might think it’s sexy to see a man carrying a wretched and dirty mattress across town and on his back, because he’s too cheap to hire a truck and too disagreeable to befriend a truck owner.

The best thing about moving is unpacking. Whether your new place is mansion or shanty, it’s full of potential. Before you unpack, take a few deep breaths. Remember what this place looks like clean. You won’t see it this shiny again until you move out. I stopped using a dresser as a middleman and started throwing all my clothes directly on the floor. Wisdom does come with age and experience.

Whatever your reasons for moving are, it is a quest, a journey, an experience that most of us must take. Some people still live in their parent’s basement, and for the most part, those people are worse off for it. Moving for any reason is better than staying still.

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